Beyond the Puzzle Piece: Practical Autism Advice to a More Accepting World.

You have made it here, and that means that you are somehow involved with autism in one sense or another–you may be autistic, or you are the parent of a child suddenly thrust into an unfamiliar and uncharted world, you are a friend or a teacher, or a workmate. And something simple you want: honest, straightforward advice.

The discourse of autism is usually full of clatter, stereotypes and outdated information. So, let’s clear the air. It is not about curing or fixing anybody. It is a matter of knowing, getting accustomed, and creating a world in which autistic individuals will be able to prosper.

This is a few pieces of practice guidance, which have been simplified to suit various audiences, at the core of the autistic community and allies.

In the case of Autistic Individuals: Your Journey, Your Power.

This is, first, and foremost, to you. You are not alone, and you have a voice.

• Be Yourself: Self: The process of de-masking – dropping the daily act of pretending to be normal – is a deeper expression of self-love. It’s exhausting to pretend. Your stims (self-stimulatory activity such as hand-flapping or humming), your preoccupation, your quietness requirement… these are not vices. They belong to your own special operating system. Allow yourself to be yourself.

• Know Your Needs and Lobby them: You are the one who knows what has happened to you. Know what you must know to be a success. Is it noisy office and headphones with noise cancelling feature? Verbal vs. written instructions? A quiet corner to decompress? Name it. It is not a heavy load; it is a fair adjustment which gives you the opportunity of doing your best.

• Find Your People: Having people around you, who understand what it is like to be autistic, may be life-changing. At these places, there is no need to explain yourself. You are able to exchange ideas, talk over frustrations and successes with people who truly understand it. The feeling of belonging is great.

• Self-Care (Spoon Theory is Your Friend): Find Spoon Theory. It is an awesome analogy of energy management. At the beginning of the day you have a small amount of spoons (units of energy). Each activity, be it social, sensory or cognitive requires a spoon. Treat yourself well and spend your spoons. It is only fine to cancel plans and recharge.

To Parents and Family Members: Love, Support and Understanding.

Your love is a given. Here are the ways of transforming it into productive assistance.

• Autistic Voices: The adult autistic community is the most helpful asset you can have. They have been where yours is. Read their blogs, subscribe to their social media, and listen to their stories. They provide knowledge which the professionals are not always able to provide.

• Assume Competence, Everywhere: Trust your child to be intelligent and capable of doing so, even when he or she is unable to express it in a standard manner. Do not talk about them in their absence. Helping to raise the bar is much more empowering rather than lowering the bar.

• Concentrate on Control, Not Coercion: A meltdown is not a tantrum. It is a nervous retaliation at being overworked–a circuit breaker shorting. Rather than punishing the conduct, find the antecedent. Was it too much noise? A change in routine? An exasperating communication barrier? Assist them to seek relaxing methods and secure place to heal.

• Don’t Focus on the Struggles, but the Pleasures: Your child may be obsessed with dinosaurs or a train schedule, but this is not an obsession it is a source of happiness and knowledge. Be interested in their fervent hobbies. They are an opening to communication, knowledge, and joy.

To Friends, Educators, and Colleagues: Becoming an Ally.

You can make inclusive places. It begins with small purposeful actions.

• Make Straussforward Communication: Hints, fuzzy instructions, and sarcasm may be misleading. Be clear and literal. Would you mind filing these reports by 3 pm? is more convenient than: Let’s see what we can do about getting to these reports when we find a spare moment.

• Respect Sensory Differences: Learn, that the world can be hurtful to the autistic. Fluorescent lighting was buzzing and flickering, perfumes were sickly sweet, and several conversations simultaneously were an inaudible chaos of sound. There is no need to coerce eye contact and be accommodating of stimming or use of sensory instruments.

• Don’t Make Assumptions: When one appears to be silent or distracted during group activities, do not think that he or she is angry, or not paying attention. They might be nodding their head but are too pressurized by the society. Provide them with room and other options of engaging.

• Just Ask (Respectfully): When you want to know how best to deal with an autistic person in your life the best answer is to ask them. How the best I can communicate with you? or “And is there nothing in this set up that puts you about? demonstrates the fact that you care and view them as a person.

The Golden Thread: Listen, Learn and Unlearn.

All the above hangs on the central thread, the most valuable advice, which is: center autistic voices.

The story behind autism is making a transition to a narrative of deficit to a narrative of diversity. It is the matter of other brains, which are wired in other ways, in a world whose design was mostly made to suit a single kind of brain.

We can all witness the transformation of our fear, misunderstanding, and celebration of this experience by listening to the people who experience it on a daily basis.

We should create such a world.